Puns

99 Twilight Jokes to Make You Smile at Sunset

Table Of Contents

If you think twilight is just for brooding vampires and star-crossed lovers, think again! You’ll discover a treasure trove of puns and quips that are sure to brighten your day. Imagine Bella trying to bake a cake or Edward dealing with ink-somnia as he scribbles poetry. Intrigued? Just wait until you hear what Jacob thinks about being a werewolf at the beach. Get ready for a chuckle or two!

Best Puns & Jokes

Twilight fans know that the passion runs deep, and so does the humor! Here’s a collection of puns and jokes that capture the essence of all things Twilight.

Why did Edward refuse to play cards? Because he was afraid of the stakes.
How do vampires like their coffee? With a bit of bite!
Why was Bella bad at hide and seek? Because good luck hiding when you’re irresistible!
What did Jacob say to Bella when she asked for a sign? “How about a wolf whistle?”
Why don’t vampires need to write books? Because they always have a few good bites to offer!
What do you call it when vampires engage in risky business? A bloodbath!
Why did the vampire fail his driving test? Because he couldn’t stop converting the speed limit to ‘fangs per hour’!
What’s a vampire’s favorite exercise? Neck stretches!
Why are vampires good at acting? Because they always land their roles by appearing in the right ‘light’!
How did Bella stay calm during a storm? She found sanctuary in Edward’s arms – the ultimate weather protective cover!
Why did the vampire take up meditation? To find his inner ‘peace’… and a little outside too!
How do you compliment a vampire poet? By saying their work is truly ‘bite-sized’!
What did the Twilight character say when they discovered a bookstore? “It’s my favorite kind of ‘human’ trafficking!”
Why did Edward start a garden? So he could cultivate a little ‘vine’ time!
Why did the werewolf join the band? He’d the howl and the rhythm!
What do you call a group of vampires who get together socially? A bloodline reunion!
Why is Bella a terrible secret agent? Because she keeps getting caught red-handed!
How did the vampire finish his research project? He took it one bite at a time!
What’s Edward’s favorite game? ‘Hide and Seek’ — only he plays it in the dark!
Why did the vampire go to therapy? He was trying to process his ‘bite’ issues!
Why did Bella avoid the bakery? She couldn’t stand the sweet scent of ‘baked goods’!
How did Jacob plan his vacation? He booked it during a ‘howl’ moon!
Why did vampires go to school? To improve their ‘soul’ skills!
What do you get when you cross a vampire with a snowman? Frostbite!
How did Edward feel after a long night out? Totally drained!
Why did Bella always carry a pencil? Because she wanted to sketch her sacrifices!
What’s a vampire’s favorite vacation spot? The Blood Coast!
What do you call it when Bella and Jacob argue? A ‘howling’ debate!
Why did Edward start a cooking blog? He wanted to share his ‘raw’ recipes!
What’s a vampire’s favorite karaoke song? “I Want it that Way”, because they can relate to the longing!
How does a vampire prefer their steak? Rare, obviously!
What do you call a vampire who plays the guitar? A blood-string artist!
Why did Bella take up chess? To learn how to better protect her ‘queen’!
How did the vampire celebrate his birthday? With a bloody good time!

Funny One-Liners & Wordplay

Twilight jokes can add a humorous twist to the beloved saga, blending wit with the everyday complexities of vampire love. Here’s a collection of funny one-liners and wordplay to sink your teeth into.

Why did Bella always carry a pencil? Because she wanted to draw Edward’s attention!
When Edward tried to be a daytime watchman, nothing ticked off the sun more!
Why did the Volturi bring snacks to the meeting? They heard they needed to hash out some “blood” relations!
Why did Jacob become an actor? He always wanted to play the lead in a “howl” of a film!
What do you call it when vampires get together for a movie night? A fanged-tastic film fest!
Why did Bella start a gardening club? She wanted to grow her roots with the past!
Why don’t vampires like fast food? Because they can’t catch it!
What did Edward say when Bella asked for advice on dating? “Just take it slow, I’m into slow burns!”
Why did Jacob stop using social media? He couldn’t handle all the “bark” back!
When will Edward stop being mysterious? When he finishes his PhD in undisclosed studies!
Why did Alice open a bakery? She wanted to make some sweet “visions” come true!
Why are vampires such bad comedians? They always kill the punchline!
Why did Bella refuse to take any risks? She didn’t want to roll the dice with her “life” partner!
What did Edward say to Bella during their first date? “I’m a real sucker for a girl with a pulse!”
Why did the werewolf start a band? He wanted to howl at the moon with his pack!
How does a vampire keep his car running? He makes sure it’s always “fueling” his desire!
Why did Bella apply for a job as a news anchor? She’d a knack for covering “hot topics”!
Why was Jasper always calm at the movies? He knew how to keep his “emotions” in check!
What do you call a Belt buckle for a werewolf? A “fur-t buckle!”
Why did Edward become an artist? He’d a way with “brushing” up on dark subjects!
What does a vampire wear to a fancy event? His “formal bite”!
Why did the vampire stare at the calendar? He was counting the days to the next “blood moon”!
How do you know Bella is in a good mood? She’s “vamping” about the future!
Why did Jacob become a chef? He couldn’t resist the thrill of the “grill”!
What do you call a vampire with bad manners? A “rude” awakening!
Why do the Cullens throw the best parties? They know how to raise the “spirits”!
How did Bella get her caffeine fix? She met a barista who was “brewing” up something good!
Why did Alice get kicked out of the coffee shop? She kept predicting the “brew-tally” funny moments!
What did Edward say when he saw a great sunset? “Look, it’s an ‘afterglow’!”
Why did the Volturi refuse to play cards? They didn’t want to deal with “face” cards!
What did Jacob say when he found a missing shoe? “Looks like it’s a ‘paw-sitive’ discovery!”
Why did Edward open a bookstore? He wanted to satisfy his “novel” cravings!
What did Bella say when she started jogging? “I’m in it for the ‘blood’ rush!”
Why didn’t Jasper join the debate team? He couldn’t handle all the “argumentative” tactics!
How did Alice decorate her home? With a touch of “retro-vampire” style!
What did Bella say when someone asked her about her love life? “It’s complicated, but worth the ‘bite’!”
Why did the vampires love to play charades? They enjoyed “acting” out the immortal moments!
What happens when a vampire and a werewolf get into a debate? It’s a real showdown of “claws and fangs”!
How do you make a vampire laugh? Just tell them a ‘pun’-ishing joke!
Why did Edward get kicked off the basketball team? He kept “draining” the life out of the game!
What’s a vampire’s favorite type of music? Anything that’s got a good “beat” to it!
Why did the werewolf join a book club? He heard they’d great “howl-iday” reads!

Top Witty Puns

Twilight is a world filled with intrigue and romance, but it can also inspire some witty humor. Here are some puns to brighten your day:

Why did Edward always take exams? Because he couldn’t resist the urge to “cram-pire” all night.
Bella tried to be a chef, but every dish tasted “vampire” to her.
When Jacob started a bakery, he became known for his “were-bread rolls.”
Why don’t vampires ever get lost? Because they always follow the “blood” trail!
Edward’s favorite type of music? Anything with a good “beat” that keeps him awake in the night.
Bella’s favorite exercise? Running her feelings in circles when Edward doesn’t answer her texts.
Why was Alice always invited to parties? Because she’d the best “vision” for fun!
How do you make a vampire laugh? Point out how their capes are always “bat-tastic.”
What did Bella say at the end of her book club meeting? “Let’s not ‘bite’ off more than we can read!”
Jacob tried a new diet; he called it “pup-tastic.”
Why did the high school dance end early? Edward couldn’t stand the “lack of light” in the gym.
When it comes to debating, Jasper always finds a way to let his true feelings “simmer.”
Why did Edward break up with his pen? It couldn’t handle the “ink-somnia.”
During winter, vampires become experts in “snow-mance.”
Bella decided to become a gardener to always be “rooted” in her love for Edward.
How does Alice keep track of time? With her “previs-ion” clocks!
Why was the Twilight series so well-received? It had the perfect blend of “fang-tasy” and romance.
What’s a vampire’s favorite beverage? “Blood-orange” juice!
When Bella couldn’t find her keys, she said, “Looks like I’ll have to go ‘batting’ for them!”
Why did the coven open a bar? They wanted to serve “bloody” Marys all night long!
Edward’s idea of a power nap? Just holding his breath until it’s time to wake up.
Bella became a detective because she’d a knack for “solving the fangtastic.”
Why don’t vampires ever get speeding tickets? They always say they were “just passing through.”
What’s Bella’s favorite romantic movie? “The Notebook” – she loves a good love “letter.”
Jacob thought about joining a gym until he realized he was more into “pawsitive” vibes.
How did Edward stay so composed during math tests? He was great at “de-fanging” tricky problems.
Why did Bella turn down the role in a comedy? She didn’t want it to become a “laugh-fest.”
What’s a vampire’s favorite time of year? “Fang-sgiving,” because they love to feast!
When Alice gives fashion advice, it’s always “fashionably late” but never out of style!
Why did Edward wear glasses? To better see the “light of his life.”
Jacob started a podcast titled “The Fur-Ball Chronicles” – all about his furry escapades.
When vampires go to school, they always ace “bite-ology.”
Edward has a pet peeve about time zones; he can’t keep track of when to “rise or shine.”
Why was Bella’s love life like a rollercoaster? Because it always had its “ups and downs!”
Jacob’s favorite workout? “Bark-lifting.”
What did the vampire say at the dinner table? “I’ll have the ‘rare’ steak, please!”
Why was Edward such a great listener? He never let things “bite” back!
What did Bella wear to the party? Something to “spook” them all with her charm!
If Jacob could choose any superpower, it would be to “howl” at the moon!
Edward opened a coffee stand called “Brewtality,” for the late-night crowd.
What does a vampire wear at a wedding? A “vows-ic” suit!
Why did Alice start a book club? So she could always be “in the pages.”

Best Jokes & Puns for Instagram

Twilight fans love to inject humor into their obsessions, especially on social media. Here’s a collection of “Twilight” themed jokes and puns that are perfect for your Instagram feed.

Why did Edward start a gardening business? Because he wanted to grow his own “bloom”ing love!
Bella ordered coffee so strong it could wake up the Cullen family; she called it “Vampire Espresso”!
Why was Jacob’s hair always so perfect? He’d a “fur-st” class stylist!
What’s a vampire’s least favorite dessert? A “bloody” Mary!
Why did the vampire go to therapy? He’d trouble letting go of his “biting” past!
How does Bella stay fit? She trains for her “run from the vampire” marathon!
What did Edward say when he tried stand-up comedy? “I’m just trying to get a good ‘stake’ in the market!”
Why did Alice break up with her boyfriend? He couldn’t “see” their future together!
What do you call a vampire who loves classical music? An “orchestrapire!”
What’s the most romantic meal for a vampire? A candlelight “bite!”
Why did the werewolf start a band? Because he wanted to howl out the hits!
How do vampires stay organized? They keep everything in “coffin-vention” folders!
What did Bella say when she finally got a good night’s sleep? “No more restless nights, I’m ‘twilight’ tired!”
Why did Edward apply for a job at the bakery? He heard they needed a “bake-and-bite” specialist!
How did Jacob argue with his friends? He always raised his “howl” of a complaint!
What do you call a movie about a vampire who loves golf? “Twilight: The Hole in One!”
Why did Bella call her car the “Bloodmobile”? Because it was always full of “drain” and speed!
Why do vampires always know what to wear? They’ve a “fang-tastic” sense of style!
Why did Alice become an interior designer? She loved creating “fanged” spaces!
What do you call a fantasy game about vampires? “Dungeons and Fangs!”
How do you make a vampire smile? With a little “suck-sation”!
Why was Bella so bad at hide and seek? Because you could always see her “sparkle”!
What type of music do vampires hate? “Screamo!” They prefer something more “fang-tastic”!
Why do vampires make terrible teachers? They’re always taking a “bite” out of the syllabus!
What did Edward say while cooking? “You can’t rush a good steak; it’s all about the ‘rare’ moments!”
Why did the vampires love social media? They could “tick-tock” about their favorite blood types!
How do sparkly vampires traditionally celebrate Halloween? With a “fang-tastic” costume party!
What’s a vampire’s favorite type of humor? “Deadpan” jokes!
Why was the Cullen house always so tidy? Because they practiced a strict “no-suck” policy!
What did Jacob name his new business? “Howl and Prowl Tours!”
How did Bella handle drama at school? With a “fang-tastic” flair for the dramatic!
Why did Edward get kicked out of the comedy club? His jokes were too “biting”!
Why couldn’t the vampire get a girlfriend? He always had a “stake” in his relationships!
How do vampires communicate long distance? They use “fang-mail”!
What did Bella say when she couldn’t find her keys? “Looks like I’m on a ‘blood’’ hunt!”
Why was Jasper always calm during fights? He’d a “biting” sense of peace!
What do you call a vampire who loves to travel? A “blood” wanderer!
Why was Bella a great detective? Because she always followed the “bite” marks!
What’s a vampire’s favorite type of party? A “blood” and breakfast event!

Conclusion

As the sun dips below the horizon, sprinkle your evening with laughter from these twilight jokes that sparkle brighter than Edward’s skin! Whether you’re a Bella, a Jacob, or a proud member of Team Edward, you’ve got a treasure trove of puns to share with friends. So grab your “blood-orange” juice and let the giggles echo into the night. Remember, a smile at sunset is as good as a vampire’s bite—just a bit more enjoyable, don’t you think?