95 Corny Jokes to Share With Friends for Endless Smiles

Ready to brighten someone’s day? You’ve stumbled upon a treasure chest of 95 corny jokes that’ll have you and your friends cracking up in no time. Whether you’re at a gathering or just need a quick giggle, this collection’s got you covered from puns about food to tech quips that hit home. So grab your buddies and prepare for some laughs—there’s a punchline waiting just for you. What’s your go-to joke?

Best Puns & Jokes

Here are some puns and jokes that can bring a smile to your friends’ faces.

• Why can’t you trust an atom? Because they make up everything!
• I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough.
• I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won’t stop sending me pop-up ads for sand resorts.
• How do trees access the internet? They log in!
• What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!
• The gardener is so good at his job, he can take a leaf out of any book!
• Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
• I don’t trust stairs; they’re always up to something.
• What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just waved!
• Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two-tired!
• I’m reading a book on anti-gravity; it’s impossible to put down!
• Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers? He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them!
• Want to hear a construction joke? Oh never mind, I’m still working on it.
• What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite!
• Why are ghosts so bad at lying? Because you can see right through them!
• What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot!
• I once heard a joke about amnesia, but I forgot how it goes.
• I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.
• How do you organize a space party? You planet!
• If you see a crime at an Apple Store, does that make you an iWitness?
• What’s a skeleton’s favorite instrument? The trombone!
• Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!
• How do you catch a squirrel? Climb a tree and act like a nut!
• I got kicked out of the gym for using too much energy; turns out, I shouldn’t have been doing cardio with a lead suit.
• When is a door not a door? When it’s ajar!
• Have you heard about that restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere!
• Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems!
• I’m a huge fan of whiteboards; they’re re-markable!
• Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? Because they lactose!
• I could tell you a chemistry joke, but I know I wouldn’t get a reaction.
• What did the fish say when he hit the wall? Dam!
• Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
• Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one!
• The man who survived both mustard gas and pepper spray is a seasoned veteran.
• Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged!
• I’m so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed!
• The newspaper just had a headline about a giant hole; it’s a big story!
• I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high; she looked surprised!
• Why don’t scientists trust atoms? They make up everything!
• The bicycle couldn’t stand up by itself; it was two tired!
• I don’t really understand electricity, but I’m a real current event!
• Have you heard about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just needed a little space!

Funny One-Liners & Wordplay

Here’s a collection of witty one-liners and wordplay jokes that are sure to tickle your funny bone.

Get ready for a laughter-filled time with these clever quips!

• The secret to really great gardening is humility; you can’t grow if you don’t “lettuce” get down to earth.
• I told my laptop to take a break, but it just wouldn’t quit; it’s really into multitasking.
• I named my dog ‘Five Miles’ so I can say I walk Five Miles every day.
• My friend said he didn’t understand cloning; I told him, “That makes two of us.”
• I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough and got tired of the knead.
• I became a librarian because I like to book it whenever I can.
• I once tried to make a belt out of old watches; it was a waist of time.
• My friend got a job at the orange juice factory; he’s getting the squeeze on the competition.
• I told my computer I needed a break, but it wouldn’t stop crashing; it really took it literally.
• I’ve started investing in stocks; it’s about time I made some serious cheddar!
• I lost an electron; I thought about it, but I’m just not positive anymore.
• I entered a contest to see who could make the best tea; turns out I steeped too low.
• I wanted to be a professional basketball player, but I just couldn’t find my dribble.
• I don’t trust stairs because they’re always up to something.
• My math book was worried about its future; it had too many problems to solve.
• I used to be a shoe salesman, but I just couldn’t keep up with the sole-searching.
• I wanted to work in a circle-shaped office, but no one was willing to go around in circles.
• My coffee didn’t like to work early in the morning; it prefers to brew later in the day.
• The best way to watch a fly fishing tournament is live stream; it really casts a good show.
• I’m reading a book on anti-gravity; it’s impossible to put down!
• I took up origami so I could make a career out of folding under pressure.
• My friend’s bakery caught fire; now they’re just crumby buns.
• I started a band called 999 Megabytes; we haven’t gotten a gig yet.
• I’m learning about parallel universes; it’s so out there, it’s hard to grasp.
• I’d tell you a chemistry joke, but all the good ones Argon.
• On my way to work, I heard an elevator joke; it really has its ups and downs.
• When I spilled my vegetable soup, I knew it was going to get a little broth-erly.
• The guy who invented Lifesavers candy made a mint; he really wrapped it up well.
• I finally found a gym that was on a roll; now I’m working on a whole loaf.
• I’m getting good at woodworking; my friends say I’ve really nailed it.
• Joining the gym was the right move; I’m working on my core values!
• I got kicked out of the fruit market for loose apples; they caught me stealing a-peel.
• A bicycle can’t stand alone because it’s two-tired; it really needs a friend for support.
• I decided to become a gardener after realizing I’d a lot of thyme on my hands.
• I accidentally swallowed some food coloring; I’m feeling colorful now!
• My friend told me about a great gossip show, but I can’t bear to spill; it’s all too juicy!
• The bakery caught fire because of its dough; it was a real breadwinner gone wrong.
• I wanted to learn sign language, but I couldn’t find a class that was hands-on.
• I named my cat “Dusty”; she’s great at cleaning up all my mistakes!
• I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded the dough, but it was a half-baked idea!
• I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands; it sounds better that way.
• The guy who keeps his money in a shoebox has a sole-fish investment strategy.
• I once built a foundation for my treehouse because I wanted a solid branch office!
• I’m really good at hitting the gym; I’ve a great fitness texting plan!

Top Witty Puns

Here’s a collection of top witty puns that will surely get your friends giggling. Get ready for some clever wordplay!

• I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won’t stop sending me to the cache.
• I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough to rise to the occasion.
• I wanted to be a history teacher, but it turns out I didn’t have enough time in the present.
• When I get a haircut, I always make sure my stylist isn’t cutting corners.
• I tried to catch fog yesterday, but I mist.
• My friend lost his job as a banker, but he’s now good at making change.
• I’ve a fear of elevators, but I’m taking steps to avoid it.
• My cat loves to listen to classical music, but she always paws at the wrong notes.
• Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just needed a little space.
• I wanted to learn how to juggle, but I didn’t have the balls to try.
• I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
• I used to be a shoemaker, but I just couldn’t keep up with the sole searching.
• I got into a discussion on the law of conservation of mass, and it really weighed me down.
• The robot walked into a bar and ordered a drink; the bartender said, “We don’t serve your type here.”
• I asked the librarian if the library had any books on paranoia, and she whispered, “They’re right behind you.”
• I joined an aerobics class, but I couldn’t keep up with the pace; I guess I lacked the proper exercise-pertise.
• I bought a ceiling fan, but it just’s not my type; we’ve got too many issues flying around.
• I was going to tell a pizza joke, but it’s too cheesy.
• Did you hear about the cheese factory explosion? There was nothing left but de-brie.
• I told my friend to stop impersonating a flamingo; he’d to put his foot down.
• I couldn’t figure out how to put my seatbelt on, so I guess I’m just buckling under pressure.
• I tried to take a picture of the fog; I mist.
• I was going to tell a construction joke, but I’m still working on it.
• I’m reading a book on anti-gravity; it’s impossible to put down.
• I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.
• I once got into a fight with a broken elevator; I took it to another level.
• I told my computer I’d a problem with my password; it said I needed to log off and log in to my feelings.
• They say laughter is the best medicine, but I think it might be a placebo—I’m still hungry.
• I decided to sell my vacuum cleaner; it was just gathering dust.
• I knew a guy who was addicted to brake fluid; he said he could stop whenever he wanted.
• I’d to quit my job at the orange juice factory because I couldn’t concentrate.
• I attempted to start a bakery, but it failed because I didn’t have enough dough for it to rise.
• I got a job as a professional cricket player; I was just stumped by the requirements.
• I wasn’t going to go for that swim, but then I thought, “Why not dive right in?”
• I was once a fan of watching paint dry, but then I realized it was just too repetitive.
• I liked playing chess with my friends, but I always end up losing track of the queens.
• When the gardener died, we all said he was simply “rooted” in the wrong place.

Best Jokes & Puns for Instagram

Here’s a collection of corny jokes perfect for sharing on Instagram.

Get ready to spark some smiles and laughter with these playful puns!

• Why did the selfie go to therapy? Because it couldn’t stop reflecting on its past adventures.
• What did the Instagram filter say to the photo? “You’re looking a bit ‘vintage’ today!”
• Why don’t we ever tell secrets on Instagram? Because the walls have hashtags!
• How do you organize a space party on Instagram? You planet with great posts.
• Why did the influencer break up with the camera? It had too many focus issues!
• What do you call an Instagram post with no likes? A ‘just-a-phase’ photo.
• Why did the coffee apply for an Instagram account? It wanted to espresso itself!
• Why was the computer cold on Instagram? It left its Windows open!
• How do you compliment a good Instagram caption? You call it ‘pun-derful’!
• What do you find in a digital garden? A field of followers.
• Why did the picture go to jail on Instagram? It was framed!
• What’s a cat’s favorite Instagram trend? Purr-spectives!
• How did the smartphone propose to the charger? With a picture-perfect ring!
• Why did the ghost get a lot of followers? It had great ‘boo-tography’!
• Why did the photo break up with the meme? It felt like it was being recycled!
• What do you get when you cross a cool photo with a bad pun? A snap-crackle-pop joke!
• What did one hashtag say to another? “We should stick together for likes!”
• Why did the avocado start an Instagram account? To spread ‘guacamole’ joy!
• Why did the donut go to school before posting? To get a little ‘glaze’ on its skills!
• What’s an artist’s favorite Instagram feature? The ‘draw’ menu!
• How does a tree start an Instagram account? It branches out for more followers!
• Why did the book start an Instagram? It wanted to share its novel ideas!
• What did the photographer say at the party? “I’ll capture the moment!”
• Why was the smartphone always calm? It knew how to take a ‘screen break’.
• What do you call an Instagram review from a librarian? A shelfie comment!
• Why did the salad apply to be famous on Instagram? It wanted to ‘toss’ around some likes!
• How do memes keep their secrets? They ‘tweet’ about it quietly.
• What advice did the avocado give to the tomato? “Don’t worry, you’ll ketchup eventually!”
• Why was the music note so good at Instagram? It always hits the right key!
• How do you make a ‘has-been’ post on Instagram? Just add a filter of doubt!
• What do you call the best Instagram photos? A ‘snap shot’ of pure talent!
• Why did the meme bring a ladder to Instagram? To reach new heights of humor!
• What did one selfie say to the other at the party? “Let’s stick together for double the fun!”
• Why did the chicken join Instagram? To prove it could cross the road in style!
• How do dogs post on Instagram? They paw-sitively love ‘woof’ captures!

Conclusion

So there you have it, a treasure trove of corny jokes just waiting for you to release them! Whether you’re in need of a quick chuckle or aiming to make your friends roll their eyes (or both!), these jokes are sure to bring some joy and laughter. Go ahead, share these gems, and watch smiles light up the room. Remember, laughter is contagious, so spread those good vibes and let the fun begin!